We Made It… So Why Do First-Gen Professionals Still Feel So Alone?

For many of us first-gen professionals, especially those of us raised in immigrant or diverse communities, everything looks great on paper. We made it. We checked the boxes. We did the thing.

I know that journey because that was me, too. I graduated from Ivy League schools despite my humble background. I landed the Big Law job. Later, I even got to work on a project with BTS, the kind of thing that sounds like a dream when you tell people about it.

From the outside, it looked like I had everything figured out. Inside, I felt I was living someone else’s life. Part of me loved the work, and I’ve always thrown myself completely into what I do. But even then, something felt missing. Indeed, something really was.

The Inside Story: A First-Gen Professional Facing Family Expectations

I had not-so-secret hopes of writing dystopian novels. More importantly, I wanted to build an educational coaching platform, a space to gather everything I’d learned across two decades and turn it into something meaningful, like supporting a community that could lift others walking a similar path..

When I tried to share this dream with my parents, their first reaction was: “What’s coaching?” Not, “How can we help?” or “We’re excited for you.” I don’t resent the reaction, but it made me keenly aware of what was really happening.

To them, success meant security. A steady paycheck. A respected title. A path everyone could recognize. Anything outside of that felt risky, even selfish. My version of success (building something new, choosing creativity, betting on myself) didn’t fit their map of what a good life looks like.

“To my parents, success meant security. To me, it meant building something of my own.”

We weren’t speaking different languages. We spoke the same Konglish, the same mix of homegrown family English. But the meaning behind our words was worlds apart. It wasn’t because of some lack of care; we were just speaking from different places..

My go-to response was simple: I went silent. And underneath it all was guilt. If I wanted something different, did that mean I was betraying them?

What I Tried

I tried to balance it all. I told myself prestige and titles would make it all go away. I tried to carry both my family’s expectations and my own dreams without letting either drop.

It worked for a while. Until it didn’t.

The effort left me drained and, at times, alone in my struggle, with a sense of feeling unsure about what I really wanted.

Something had to change. And fast.

What Coaching Really Is

Therapy looks back to heal; coaching looks forward to grow. It’s not about diagnosis or crisis management. It doesn’t diagnose, treat, or manage crises.

Coaching isn’t advice, and I don’t hand out answers. Instead, coaching slows things down so you can actually see what’s happening in your life. It gives you room to set down everyone else’s expectations and ask yourself:

• Which values are actually mine?

• What have I been carrying because I thought I had no choice?

• If I gave myself permission, what would I choose now?

What We Work On Together

• Clarifying your values — sorting what’s truly yours from what you inherited.

• Reframing guilt — seeing it as information rather than a chain that drags you down.

• Decision-making — moving from fear-driven choices to ones grounded in your priorities.

• Communication — finding words that open dialogue instead of shutting it down.

• Wholeness — being able to show up as the same person everywhere, instead of splintering yourself into roles.

Small Tools, Real Shifts

• Ecosystem maps to see which parts of your life drain you and which sustain you.

• Guilt reframes that shift the story from “I’m failing them” to “I’m honoring what matters.”

• Energy ledgers to notice when you feel authentic and when you’re only performing.

• Respect scripts that help you set boundaries without blowing things up.

• Short experiments that let you try changes in safe, reversible ways.

The Changes People Describe

• A client who once stayed quiet at home practiced saying: “I’m doing this because it feels right for me — and because of what you’ve taught me, not in spite of it.”

• Another, exhausted by shifting personas at work, redefined how and when they code-switched — making it a conscious choice instead of a constant burden.

• Someone else realized they’d been chasing prestige for approval. Once they saw that, they chose roles that gave them purpose, not just titles.

If This Feels Familiar

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I choosing this because I want it or because I’m afraid of letting people down?” you already know this struggle. Many first-gen professionals carry family expectations so heavily that even success feels like someone else’s life.

Here’s the truth: you can put yourself first. Doing so doesn’t betray your family or your roots; it’s how you build a life where both can coexist.

Two Gentle First Steps

🌱 Book a free discovery call. No pressure. Just space to see what coaching feels like and whether it could help.

🌱 Join the Nurimas Community. Not ready for a call? Start here. You’ll meet others wrestling with the same questions. Together, we share perspectives and strategies to make the load lighter.

On paper, we’ve made it. Now it’s time to live it in a way that feels like our own.

From my journey to yours,

— Sasha 🌿