Overcoming Perfectionism as a First-Gen Professional: Why It Exhausts Us and How to Break Its Grip
- Sep 21
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 5
You send in a report and your boss replies, “Great job,” but all you can see is the typo on page two. You win an award, but you remember how you stumbled over one sentence in your speech. Even at celebrations, you replay the part you didn’t get right.
For many of us as first-gen and diverse professionals, this isn’t just personality. It’s survival.
Why We Carry Perfectionism
Perfectionism for us often starts long before the workplace.
Survival strategy: Growing up, maybe you heard, “You have to be twice as good to get half as far.” Or maybe you were the translator at the doctor’s office, the one who couldn’t afford to get it wrong. Perfection became safety.
Representation pressure: In school or at work, being “the only one” made us hyper-aware. A single slip could feel like it reflected on everyone who looked like us.
Family expectations: When generations sacrificed to give us opportunities, achievement felt like repayment. Flawlessness became loyalty.
Workplace culture: Environments that prize output over humanity amplified these inner scripts until perfectionism became second nature.
Perfectionism isn’t vanity. It’s love, loyalty, and survival braided together. But what kept us climbing can also keep us tired.
Common Traps That Keep Us Exhausted
Carrying the family on your shoulders: Believing success is your way of protecting them.
Overcompensating for visibility: Working twice as hard because you’re hyper-aware of being “different.”
Silencing mistakes: Hiding imperfection so you don’t confirm bias.
Never arriving: Even when milestones are reached, the goalpost shifts—because you can’t afford to “slip.”
If this sounds familiar, it’s because these traps aren’t accidental. They grow from the very pressures that shaped us.
The Complicated Weight of Praise
Perfectionism doesn’t only show up when we fail — it follows us into moments of praise. Many of us can’t take a compliment at face value.
Sometimes we think, “They’re just saying this because I’m the only one here. It’s politeness, not real.”
Other times, doubt creeps in when a promotion is announced with, “We need more diversity at the table,” and you can’t tell if it’s your skills or your identity being applauded.
And then there’s the flip side: watching a colleague get praised for ideas you suggested weeks ago, and the sting lingers even when you smile through it.
Bottom line: perfectionism is rarely about wanting to be flawless for its own sake. It’s about insecurity and doubt — the fear that our work will never be measured fairly, or that we ourselves will never be seen clearly.
If doubt keeps shaping how you hear both criticism and praise, the way forward isn’t doubling down on perfection — it’s practicing small shifts that remind you your worth isn’t measured by flawlessness. Here are a few to try this week.
Practical Tools for Overcoming Perfectionism — Let's Loosen that Grip
Perfectionism doesn’t dissolve overnight. But you can begin loosening its hold with small, deliberate experiments that remind you success isn’t measured by flawlessness. Try these steps this week:
Step 1. Spot the Drivers. Pause when you feel the urge to over-prepare or fix every detail. Ask yourself: “Whose standard am I chasing right now — mine, my family’s, or the one I think society set for me?” Naming the driver helps shrink its power.
Step 2. Redefine Loyalty. Write down one way you’ve equated being perfect with honoring family or community. Then reframe it: “I can show loyalty by…” (e.g., mentoring others, sharing opportunities, building stability). Loyalty doesn’t have to mean constant self-sacrifice.
Step 3. Flip the Lens on Praise. When someone compliments you, resist the reflex to dismiss it. Instead, write their words down. Later, check if you’d give the same praise to a peer for the same effort. This helps separate genuine recognition from your self-doubt narrative.
Step 4. Run a “Good Enough” Test. Pick one task this week and finish it at 90% instead of 110%. Send the email draft without rereading it ten times, or stop studying when you’ve truly understood the material. Notice what actually happens — often, nothing breaks.
Step 5. Anchor in Small Wins. Each night, jot down one thing you completed that day — no matter how small. Over time, this builds a record of competence that counters the perfectionist pull to only see flaws.
These aren’t about lowering your standards. They’re about reclaiming balance — giving yourself the same compassion you extend to others while still striving for growth.
From Insight to Action
Reading plants the seed. Action helps it grow. This article comes with a downloadable workbook that walks you through each step in a clear, structured way.
👉 Download our Everyday Brave Series: Overcoming Perfectionism Workbook here.
Use it to track your reflections and practice the tools in real time — so clarity doesn’t just stay on the page.
Reframing Perfectionism
Perfectionism gave us safety. It gave us access. But it also demands constant proof at the cost of rest, joy, and clarity.
The truth is, no one remembers the typo, the stumble, the pause. But you do — and that’s the burden.
Overcoming perfectionism as a first-gen professional doesn’t mean betraying your roots. It means realizing that your becoming matters as much as your belonging.
You are allowed to be unfinished and still be enough.
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